I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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