I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
