My brain says no but my pants say off.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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