he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
