Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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