He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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