somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
