Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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