The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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