Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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