you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
