fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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