Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
