he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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