She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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