there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
