i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
