i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
