Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
