just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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