just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
