why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
