hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
