dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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