so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
