i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
