Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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