the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
