Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My life is pants optional.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
