im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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