If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize