Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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