I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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