Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
