with your own penis?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
