I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
