he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
