Do you still have your period?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
