girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
