i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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