I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found puke in my bra..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
