my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
