I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
