I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
