Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
