the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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