sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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