i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I could fuck to npr.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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