Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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