i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
