onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he thought i was a dude.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
