just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
