how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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