I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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