I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
