Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize