so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
