yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
