I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
