I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
