Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
