Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
