You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
