my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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