Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
