new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
