I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize