what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize