i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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