i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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