Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
