I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
